In PA#3 you established a point of view (a thesis) on a subject and divided your support of that point of view into separate sub-arguments.
Note, for example, how Emily Poe does it in the sample. She claims in her thesis statement that "vegetarianism is clearly the better option for sustaining the Earth and all its inhabitants." She divides her support of that claim into three subtopics: environmental improvement, humane treatment of livestock, and improved personal health.
Presumably, in a paragraph that follows, she discusses the first of those sub-claims: That the vegetarian lifestyle improves the environment.
Look back at the introductory paragraph you wrote. Find your first sub-claim and write what would become the second paragraph of your essay. Note: You might not have established sub-claims. If you didn't, you might consider going back and revising PA#3.
Note, for example, how Emily Poe does it in the sample. She claims in her thesis statement that "vegetarianism is clearly the better option for sustaining the Earth and all its inhabitants." She divides her support of that claim into three subtopics: environmental improvement, humane treatment of livestock, and improved personal health.
Presumably, in a paragraph that follows, she discusses the first of those sub-claims: That the vegetarian lifestyle improves the environment.
Look back at the introductory paragraph you wrote. Find your first sub-claim and write what would become the second paragraph of your essay. Note: You might not have established sub-claims. If you didn't, you might consider going back and revising PA#3.
Use the following paragraph pattern:
1. Topic sentence/ statement of the claim,
2. Explanation of the claim (spend some time here),
3. Evidence by example and detail, and
4. Evidence by quotation
Use the templates/ transitions in TSIS to indicate the moves you are making.
Upload the paragraph here as a comment below by Thursday, 9/9/16, at 5 PM. Bring a hard copy to class on Friday. Really. I mean it this time. We'll definitely be spending some time in class making comments on each others' paragraphs.
1. Topic sentence/ statement of the claim,
2. Explanation of the claim (spend some time here),
3. Evidence by example and detail, and
4. Evidence by quotation
Use the templates/ transitions in TSIS to indicate the moves you are making.
Upload the paragraph here as a comment below by Thursday, 9/9/16, at 5 PM. Bring a hard copy to class on Friday. Really. I mean it this time. We'll definitely be spending some time in class making comments on each others' paragraphs.
Kendall Kaiser
ReplyDeleteENG 105
Professor Burns
September 8, 2016
Kids who participate in athletics or other extracurriculars activities are better off than those kids who do not. Children learn many useful and life lessons such as time management skills, respect elders/peers, social skills, working hard in/out of school, etc. Those who are involved in extracurricular activities are more likely to get a other scholarships along with academics, go to college, and land a great career following their graduation. I have been involved in athletics ever since I was four years old and I am now playing two of the three sports I used to play in college; I also have met majority of my friends through sports. “Data show that high school students who play sport are less likely to drop out. Participation in sport also has been associated with completing more years of education and consistently higher grades in school” (truesport.org).
Smith, Justin
ReplyDeleteEnglish 105
Burns
September 6, 2016
PA #4
In the world there is a stereotype of college students where all of the distractions that they have are drinking, partying, and the opposite sex. In contrast, college students, everyday, are faced with a million different distractions from all parts of life. Also, not all of these distractions are negative, and with good time management, some distractions are actually able to be extremely beneficial. Some distractions include: being away from family, sports, lifting, social life, sleep time, food, and in some case even owning a pet. I am not saying that the drinking and partying are not huge distractions within themselves, it is just the fact that, most of the time, there are larger outside influences that lead students away from only thinking about school. A large part of maturity, and being an adult is knowing how to not completely cut things out of your life and how to manage your time wisely so that you are able to do these things and get distracted at times, but be able to get everything that you need to get done, done. Responsibility is the big word that we college students hear all the time, and most of the time we let it go over our heads without totally understanding what it is all about. We all understand that we have responsibilities, however through the mistakes we make we learn personal responsibility where we understand everything that happens is a result of what you put into it.
Paragraph 4
ReplyDeleteMichael Heeschen
The higher level courses in my high school were, for the most part, dominated by athletes. There were more of us and generally we had the best grades in the class. In my AP calculus class, there were 18 students and only 4 did not play a sport. 3 of the 4 kids who were not athletes had generally lower grades than the athletes. By far the best grades in the class were held by athletes and people would often go to them for help on the subject. One of the kids in my class was a triple sport athlete and had the best grade in the class and everyone went to him for help on homework.
Marlene Savage
ReplyDeleteEnglish 105
Professor Burns
September 8, 2016
Until I was a freshman in high school I did not tell anyone I played golf because I was embarrassed. Some people do not think highly of golf and think it is idiotic. In 6th grade my tutor told me a corny joke about tennis (something to do with love) and then he wanted to think of a joke for golf. He said, “Wait, I do not have a joke for golf because it already is one”. He laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair, and I did not have a reaction to his ignorance. Later, he made other remarks regarding the skill level one must have in order to play. he could not understand that there is more to golf then just walking up to a ball and hitting it. When hitting a shot in golf one must think of the following: what club should be used, how should the club be gripped, picking a target for aiming, where the ball should be placed in-between their feet, how far they should stand from the ball, how far the club should be taken back while swinging, and one of the most important rules is to make sure the ball you are preparing to hit is your ball. If you hit someone else’s ball during stroke play then it is a loss of two strokes. If you hit someone else’s ball during match play then you lose the hole. Other factors one must consider while playing golf is the weather. If it has rained or is raining while playing the ground will be soft, so adjustments to a swing are recommended. If adjustments are not made then the ground may get hit more than the ball resulting in a divot and or the miss direction of the ball. All of these reasons and many more pointers must all be thought of and processed in about 30 seconds. This is the reason why practicing is extremely important in golf so a routine is established. If a routine is in place then when playing there does not have to be a lot of thought on what must be done in order to hit a shot well. I am tired of people saying golf is easy and being surprised when I tell them I play. Yes, people other than caucasian males play golf.
Curtis Duren
ReplyDeleteEnglish 105
Professor Burns
8 September, 2016
Anyone can learn how to play the game of golf. People say golfers are not really athletes because it does not take a lot of athleticism to hit the ball and get it in the hole. In other words, people in general believe that there is no need for physical training in order to be a great golfer. When you watch someone play golf most people think of it like an expanded version of putt-putt golf that families go and play for fun. These beliefs are usually from the people who have never tried to play golf on a real golf course. For example, golfers must be understand the difference between their golf clubs and know how the golf clubs can make the ball fly through the sky. In addition to that golfers must be strong enough to hold and swing the clubs they are using. Therefore it is necessary to do weight training to be able to lift and swing the clubs easily. Golfers do come in all shapes and sizes and all do not look like fit athletes like in other sports. Despite how they look, most golfers do train and work out to have the stamina to walk the distance of the course for days at a time. Athletes of all kinds, golfers included, work out for their sport even if people don’t think they do. To take a case in point in an article in Biomechanics, John Jolly, a former member of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center golf research team states “it seems that no matter what, each sport requires some sort of training outside of the sport itself, whether it’s lifting weights or something else” (Foster).
Foster, Jordana Bieze. "Golfers swing to biomechanical research -- Research quantifies training's
effect on performance." Biomechanics 1 Oct. 2006: 28. Academic OneFile. Web. 8 Sept. 2016.
URL
http://go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?p=GPS&sw=w&u=23010_scpls&v=2.1&
id=GALE%7CA153644615&it=r&asid=ff91f7ab3c4a06b23034a97f3939af69
Emily Dean
ReplyDeleteENG 105
Burns
8 September, 2016
Paragraph Assignment #4
Many successful people suffer from mental illnesses and are able to move through their lives like normal people despite their illness. Despite common stigma, people who suffer from mental illness are often able to function as well, if not equal to people not suffering from mental illnesses. In the workforce, people suffering from mental illnesses who receive proper treatment often have lower overall medical and disability costs, lower rates of absenteeism, and increased productivity. A good example of a successful person suffering from mental illness is actress Carrie Fisher, who suffers from substance abuse disorder and bipolar II disorder. The famous actress has appeared in numerous films and productions, such as the Star Wars films, Blues Brothers, and when Harry met Sally. Fisher is also an accomplished author and screenplay editor. Fisher has struggled with bipolar II disorder for most of her adult life, and developed substance abuse disorder after using cocaine and prescription pain medication to try and self-medicate herself to try and calm down her manic episodes, a side effect of her bipolar disorder, which was undiagnosed at that time. Fisher has received electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), has undergone years of cognitive therapy, is on a medication regimen, and has a therapy dog, Gary, to help her during her public appearances. Despite all of this, Fisher has become one of the most recognized people in Hollywood, has widely successful books and screenplays, and is a role model for many people who admire her work and skill. In Fisher’s own words, “Everything is negotiable. Whether or not the negotiation is easy is another thing.” With people like Carrie Fisher in the world, maybe it's time for society to negotiate with itself on mental illness and its stigma.
Ryan Roberts
ReplyDeleteEnglish 105
Burns
September 8, 2016
Soccer is without a doubt the most popular sport in the world. The game was introduced to the world by England around the late 1800's and from there it has spread across the world. According to Fifa's ( International Federation of Association Football) latest survey in 2014, there is approximately 265 million people who play the sport. The game is even expanding into the United States. A 2014 Espn poll showed that soccer is ranked second in the standings of popularity between 12-17 year olds.
Exercise is integral to performing at one’s peak during chess tournaments. During a chess game one has to be able to calculate multiple variations, search for tactical and positional advantages, and remember the best moves that other players made in similar situations. If a chess player’s brain isn’t functioning at a high level for the entirety of the tournament they’ll fall apart. Exercise is important because it increases one’s heart rate which causes more oxygen to pump to the brain, helps the body release hormones that create a nourishing environment for the growth of brain cells , and increases the functional activity of the temporal lobe. In my own experience performing a simple activity like walking on the morning of a tournament made me more alert and engaged and resulted in less severe mistakes during the first game. Magnus Carlsen notes the importance of exercise when he states, “..long tournaments are quite tiring and long games are very tiring, especially at the end. If you are in good shape and keep your concentration you will be the one to profit from your opponent's’ mistakes. Magnus’s point is that staying in shape significantly improves the chance of being successful in tournaments.
ReplyDeleteAvianna Carmoega
ReplyDeleteBurns
PA #3 (edited) and PA #4
In our society, dancing is not seen as a sport, and is thought of as requiring less work and effort than a sport requires. Many athletes neglect dance as a sport. "No way, (it's not a sport) it doesn't have a puck, a ball, or a goal." (Debate.org) The definition of a sport is, "An athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowess and often of a competitive nature." Dancing can be done as a hobby, a passion, competitively, for exercise, or a profession. There are many ways in which dancing can be done competitively just as sports are. Dancers rehearse daily just as athletes practice on the regular. There is a need to work extremely hard to perfect the feelings that they want to express through body movement. Dancing is a combination of art, physical activity, and emotion. In this essay, closely reviewing the art of dancing will prove that dancing requires just as much determination and effort (if not more) than a sport does.
There are many different types of dance, including competitive dance. There are several TV shows such as 'Dancing With The Stars,' 'So You Think You Can Dance,' 'Dance Moms,' (etc…) which provide viewers with an array of competitive styles of dance. Among the variety of competitive dance TV shows, there are also dance competitions all over the world that are not broadcasted on any form of media. For example, in the state of Ohio, there is a competition called the "Ohio Star Ball" which has "24 competitors and 70 judges." Each team or "duo" of dancers compete in order to be named as the winner. Athletes practice to become the best they can be when it comes to the sport they love, as dancers do the same to strengthen the dances they later perform. Just like athletic sports, dancing can be done competitively.
Tyler Knoth
ReplyDeletePA#4
Along with using a chemical to make us feel good, just the smell, sight, and taste makes us go crazy. The alluring scent of the cocoa outside of a chocolate store on any day of the year is one that will bring me in everytime. Another memory back when I was a kid was the sight of chocolate automatically made me feel hyper and ready to do anything. I found out that that was just my heart beating faster because I was just getting excited. The taste of chocolate in hot chocolate, or melted on a summer day satisfies any craving. In closing chocolate may be the best food to satisfy all the senses.
Whoever said “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” were deeply wrong; Words and language carry a power that can sometimes surpass that of actions. In the case of neurodiversity, words such as “retarded” carry a weight that can influence people’s actions and opinions. Although retarded was originally a correct medical term describing a slower intellectual growth, throughout time it has evolved so dramaticality into an insult, stripped of any of its former meaning. Using a word such as this to group an entire group of people together is a dangerous thing. It is ignoring the individuality of a person, creating a generalized idea about a group of people, and in turn creating a generalized opinion of this group of people. Because, of the “R words” evolution into a synonym for stupid or idiotic, the assumption is that anyone who this word could medically apply to is stupid or idiotic, thus ignoring their individual intelligence. It’s like the Placebo Effect in psychology: If you give a man a pill and tell him it will make him more confident, he is bound to feel more confident after taking the pill, even if the pill was just sugar all along. He believed in the pills power, and in turn made internal changes. If someone is brought up surrounded by the idea and assumption that they are destined to be stupid, how can they want to learn or have any kind of belief in themselves? Robert M. Hensel said “There is no greater disability in society, than the inability to see a person as more.” Other ideas and language informs our own personal growth, opinion of ourselves, and in turn, abilities. Language such as retarded creates a narrow and harmful view.
ReplyDeleteUnderstanding a language can help in understanding the culture of the people who speak it. Knowing another language can allow you to connect more deeply with people who speak it as their first language. This is an attempt to communicate with other people through means familiar to them as opposed to yourself. They may show you parts of their culture or how to receive additional information from more credible sources as they know which sources are truthful. For those who try to understand French-speaking areas, news sources such as TV5Monde can allow you to have insight. Not only does TV5Monde cover the story in French allowing you practice reading. But since it is a news source for those French-speaking areas, it must be truthful in the facts that are stated in the story. Information sources like this would allow you to study the language as well as learn current events impacting cultures that speak that language.
ReplyDeleteCadence Semple
ReplyDeleteEnglish 105
Professor Burns
September 8, 2016
PA #4
The Animal Welfare Act (AWA) requires that minimum standards of care and treatment be provided for animals exhibited to the public. Every major circus, that exhibits animals and is regulated to follow the AWA by law, have been cited for violating the animals’ rights. These violations vary from the way the animals are treated to their living conditions. Violations in treatment include collars and muzzles that are too tight, electric prods and whips used while forcing the animals to learn and perform stunts and tricks, and much more. As for living conditions, many circuses have been cited for cages that are too small for the animals, splinters and sharp metal fragments found in or near the cages, and unsatisfactory diets for the animals. Yet, even though all of these citations have been made against these household name circuses, they still continue the cruelty and performances in major cities all over the nation.
Annie Vitti
ReplyDeleteEnglish 105
Professor Burns
PA #4
September 8, 2016
Not many people today associate humans as animals. They see animals as a completely different category than human beings. However, animals share more similarities to us than one might have expected. On the contrary, most animals can express emotions and personalities, too. For the truth is that many characteristics that are said to be distinctly human are not unique to humans. The artificial rift was created by the belief that animals could not use tools. This is no longer the case as multiple studies have repeatedly disproved this school of thought. Along with the use of tools, other behavioral traits have been researched. In this essay, then, compare the different research studies and behaviors of three classes of organisms to the lives of human beings and decide if animals are more like us after all.
Aves, or the class of what we call birds may be seen today as unintelligent creatures, but they are not as “bird-brained” as one might have thought. Pigeons, the annoying birds that cover busy cities are known to be superstitious. Superstition is thought to only be expressed by humans because requires deep thinking about both the past and the future. In 1947, B.F. Skinner published his study of ‘Superstition’ In the Pigeon. Skinner took hungry pigeons and placed them in a box. After a certain amount of designated time, food would be presented to the pigeon. Skinner found that the behavior being expressed by the pigeon at the time of being feed, it would repeat it again, with the hopes of getting fed again. He explains this well saying, “The experiment might be said to demonstrate a sort of superstition. The bird behaves as if there were a causal relation between its behavior and the presentation of food, although such a relation is lacking. There are many analogies in human behavior. Rituals for changing one's luck at cards are good examples. A few accidental connections between a ritual and favorable consequences suffice to set up and maintain the behavior in spite of many unreinforced instances. The bowler who has released a ball down the alley but continues to behave as if he were controlling it by twisting and turning his arm and shoulder is another case in point. These behaviors have, of course, no real effect upon one's luck or upon a ball half way down an alley, just as in the present case the food would appear as often if the pigeon did nothing -- or, more strictly speaking, did something else” (Skinner 168-172). Furthermore, crows, the spooky, noisy birds, can problem solve. Again, problem solving was once to only belong under the category of human behavior because it requires thought and prediction of multiple outcomes. But, as it turns out, the understanding of crow intelligence for around a thousand years. There is an old fable that tells about a thirsty crow who wanted water from a pitch. The crow continues to drop pebbles into the pitch, thus raising the water level to the point where he can drink. This behavior has been proven true in multiple studies, but more recently, crows have been found to problem solves by using tools. In 2015, researchers Jolyon Troscianko and Christian Rutz attached cameras to New Caledonian Crows.They discovered that the crows crafted and used tools. And, they did not just use one type of tool, they would construct different ones to be used for different purposes. Before the discovery of this behavior in New Caledonian Crows, no other animal besides humans were known to create a specialized tool. All in all, maybe it is time for humans to rethink the use of the phrase “bird-brain” because the brains of birds is not that different from the brains of people.
Tom Jacobson
ReplyDeleteEnglish 105
Prof Burns
The surfer imagine has always been tarnished by beach bums and drugs. From the outside, a lot of surfers are grouped into this category because of their laid back attitude and easy going personality even when a lot of them are hard working and dedicated to their sport. After the death of one of the greatest surfers of all time and three time world champion, Andy Irons, the world tour of surfing took drastic measures towards changing the attitude and overall identity of the tour. Andy Irons was the classic Spicoli-esque surfer dude who was known for his partying and reckless behaviors. Irons struggled with bipolar disorder and drug addiction for many years leading up to his death and his passing was a big eye opener to everyone in the surfing community. In response to his passing, a new surfer identity emerged. Surfing took a turn towards the crunchy granola-yogi movement where eating right and treating your body right was the new trend. Until this point, Irons and Kelly Slater were the top names in the surf world, but they were very different. Slater’s drive and determination set the tone for the new surfer persona, known for his strict training regime and diet.